Let's step out of the details of the situation and look to see where some space might be opened for [your own] deepest wisdom and peace to enter.
You write, "although I try to stay connected to Source, I'm pretty freakin scared of losing everything." Of course one can understand this fear, and I empathize with you. It is persistent, at some level, with just about every person, whether the individual is attuned to it or not.
I want you to consider, if you can, that Source has not left you, even when you are wrapped in fear. It is impossible.
But I don't want you to try to rationalize this statement and try to believe it if you're not able to feel it. And please don't make yourself wrong for not being able to feel God's love and protection. This is the most basic human experience. The poet Rumi writes:
Listen to the story told by the reed,
of being separated.
"Since I was cut from the reedbed,
I have made this crying sound.
Anyone apart from someone he loves
understands what I say.
Anyone pulled from a source
longs to go back."
of being separated.
"Since I was cut from the reedbed,
I have made this crying sound.
Anyone apart from someone he loves
understands what I say.
Anyone pulled from a source
longs to go back."
That you are asking this question shows me that you are in a deep inquiry about how to move in this situation, to honor your relationship and to honor yourself, and also to regain a sense of safety.
I'm sure you know this and I am just here to remind you - as the writing reminds me - that there is nothing better that you can do than to quiet your mind down and disidentify from your thoughts and emotions.
This does not mean stop having thoughts (can't do it anyway!) or feelings. Rather, it means that when you notice that you're on the spinning wheel of solution-seeking, the noticing can be a little bell of mindfulness. You can use that noticing to bring you into the present, into your body, into your feeling, into the feel of your feet on the floor.
The cool thing is that you don't need to try to hold that quiet space. Even seemingly minute slices of stillness - without thought, judgment or resistance - have a cumulative effect of opening up space and wisdom over time.
Your deepest wisdom, your true nature, has all of the answers. Your mind doesn't need to try to figure them out. It can't anyway.
What do we want from our relationships? What do we expect?
I learned something profound through a relationship not long ago.
I was in a relationship that didn't look the way I thought it should look and didn't feel the way I thought it should feel. I came to a point where I felt that I *must* get out of the relationship because it was just too painful for me. I spent a few days crying, really grieving it, and then I went to church and asked for help.
I wrote on an anonymous prayer request form, asking for help. I said I had a relationship that I thought I needed to end but that I was really sad and scared to do so (I was frightened of my own emotions). I asked the question with faith that prayer works.
Later that day I came across an article about how we don't have any proper archetypes in our culture for intimate relationships. This article breathed so much space into my consciousness about my relationship, and the whole scenario was transformed.
I realized that all of the pain I felt came from my rejection and resistance to what is (or was). I was reacting from a very specific picture of what I thought relationships should look like. And if we look across our culture, we see a lot of people struggling to cram themselves and their partners into these rigid pictures that just don't work.
That relationship ended up being one of my greatest teachers and I'm really grateful I went through that process.
In Michael Brown's article, he writes, "The first step required to authentically enter an intimate relationship with another human being is to do so from the point of awareness that we have no idea how to accomplish this."
For what it's worth.
Now, none of this is to tell you to stay - or to leave - your relationship. I don't know the answer to that.
I just invite you to notice when you're spinning your wheels and, even if just for an instant, take the observer stance and watch it all happening. From there, there's really no action that needs to be taken. All can unfold naturally. We ARE Source, kicking back and watching it all go down anyway.
Rumi's reed flute goes on to say,
I humbly thank you for your message.
Love,
Carina
* * * * * * *
I'm sure you know this and I am just here to remind you - as the writing reminds me - that there is nothing better that you can do than to quiet your mind down and disidentify from your thoughts and emotions.
This does not mean stop having thoughts (can't do it anyway!) or feelings. Rather, it means that when you notice that you're on the spinning wheel of solution-seeking, the noticing can be a little bell of mindfulness. You can use that noticing to bring you into the present, into your body, into your feeling, into the feel of your feet on the floor.
The cool thing is that you don't need to try to hold that quiet space. Even seemingly minute slices of stillness - without thought, judgment or resistance - have a cumulative effect of opening up space and wisdom over time.
Your deepest wisdom, your true nature, has all of the answers. Your mind doesn't need to try to figure them out. It can't anyway.
What do we want from our relationships? What do we expect?
I learned something profound through a relationship not long ago.
I was in a relationship that didn't look the way I thought it should look and didn't feel the way I thought it should feel. I came to a point where I felt that I *must* get out of the relationship because it was just too painful for me. I spent a few days crying, really grieving it, and then I went to church and asked for help.
I wrote on an anonymous prayer request form, asking for help. I said I had a relationship that I thought I needed to end but that I was really sad and scared to do so (I was frightened of my own emotions). I asked the question with faith that prayer works.
Later that day I came across an article about how we don't have any proper archetypes in our culture for intimate relationships. This article breathed so much space into my consciousness about my relationship, and the whole scenario was transformed.
I realized that all of the pain I felt came from my rejection and resistance to what is (or was). I was reacting from a very specific picture of what I thought relationships should look like. And if we look across our culture, we see a lot of people struggling to cram themselves and their partners into these rigid pictures that just don't work.
That relationship ended up being one of my greatest teachers and I'm really grateful I went through that process.
In Michael Brown's article, he writes, "The first step required to authentically enter an intimate relationship with another human being is to do so from the point of awareness that we have no idea how to accomplish this."
For what it's worth.
Now, none of this is to tell you to stay - or to leave - your relationship. I don't know the answer to that.
I just invite you to notice when you're spinning your wheels and, even if just for an instant, take the observer stance and watch it all happening. From there, there's really no action that needs to be taken. All can unfold naturally. We ARE Source, kicking back and watching it all go down anyway.
Rumi's reed flute goes on to say,
"At any gathering I am there,
mingling in the laughing and grieving,
a friend to each, but few
will hear the secrets hidden
within the notes. No ears for that.
Body flowing out of spirit,
spirit up from body: no concealing
that mixing. But it's not given us
to see the soul. The reed flute
is fire, not wind. Be that empty."
mingling in the laughing and grieving,
a friend to each, but few
will hear the secrets hidden
within the notes. No ears for that.
Body flowing out of spirit,
spirit up from body: no concealing
that mixing. But it's not given us
to see the soul. The reed flute
is fire, not wind. Be that empty."
And Source says, "Pass the popcorn."
I humbly thank you for your message.
Love,
Carina
If other questions arise from this writing, please email
nowstayopen@gmail.com.
nowstayopen@gmail.com.
* * * * * * *
Dear Carina,
I've been with my boyfriend for 13 months. Context: At the moment, I have less money in the bank than I have ever experienced and although I try to stay connected to Source, I'm pretty freakin scared of losing everything. Crazy part of it is that the work I get to do is my passion, it just isn't (yet!) meeting my income requirements I need to cover my monthly expenses.
This has been going on a year and up until a few months ago I had big savings, but that is gone now. He thinks I don't work hard enough, I don't try hard enough and that I should just get a job-job because well, obviously I'm not supporting myself (I've gotten little loans, sold some stocks and am banking on a Tax Return that will pay next month's rent.) So he has loaned me more than some people and he deserves to have a say in how I spend my time, I think.
Thing is that he says he's not sure he "believes in me" and that breaks my heart. I asked if I could move in until I'm "back to being self sufficient" to not have to struggle with rent, but he said "not a good idea." Is this grounds for letting the guy go or do I push through his lack of confidence and "prove myself."
My friends that are all about "you get what you put out" would say I'm attracting him saying that to me. Well, heck yea, I'm really struggling to believe in myself - myself. But, I'm doing lots of work on clearing limiting beliefs like not worthy, deserving or being victim. Unfortunately, in his mind that isn't helping me move fast enough.
Can a person stay in relationship with a person who doesn't know if he believes in them because he has to "see it to believe it?" Mostly we get along swimmingly. But, it's been a year and he thinks I should have had it all together by now or in his mind it's unlikely that I will. It makes me sad.
I'd like to know what information you get when you ask about this in your stillness. Thanks Carina!!
Beautiful and inspiring, dear cc.
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