You're in the Perfect Place for Expansion

Dear Carina,

I have recently had my heart broken. The man I was with ended our relationship because, "I was not a believer, and that his true path was to seek God and I wouldn't help that." Although I am not Christian, I do believe in a spiritual being or higher power. I am finding this difficult to deal with given the personal nature of it. I was truly in love and experienced wonderful things with this man. I am unsure of where to begin to pick up the pieces. Please help.



*****



Thank you so much for writing. I really feel for you.

It can all feel so personal, and our mental/emotional states - that we confuse with who we really are - have a field day churning over the stories and reasons and justifications and ow! and and and . . .

One temptation is to analyze why he does what he does. This can seem helpful at first. In the past when I had relationship woes, I used to talk with a therapist friend of mine about what might have been going on with my men. Our analytic conversations soothed me. They helped me come up with a theory of why they acted like they did and it depersonalized my feelings of rejection. So this can be useful for one level of relief.

After some time, however, I would find that the mental indulgence took the focus away from the deeper opportunity I was being handed.

In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle says that women tend to be closer to their spiritual essence, relating more to emotions and the body, while men tend to be further removed, being more identified with the mind (though they may purport otherwise, sometimes even criticizing their women for being unenlightened). Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but the good news here is that your heartache and willingness to stay open are access to your natural state: living continuously in the arms of the beloved, infinite divine.

And if you can't feel that right now, don't worry. You are still there.

There is always another layer of acceptance we can offer ourselves. If you cannot except the details of the current situation because it's just too painful for your mind and heart, you can open your heart to yourself and to the pool of confusion and sorrow that you're in.

Seemingly unsolvable situations ask for only one thing: surrender.



How in the world do you do that when your heart is broken and your mind is swirling with thoughts of defense and sadness and rejection?

You go inside. You get quiet. You see if you can sense, even if only for brief moments at a time, the infinity of who you truly are. Maybe you aren't your partner's path to God, but he may be yours.

Take very good care of yourself, quiet down when you can, and know that within you in this very moment is the capacity for all healing, all connection with the divine, all grace. You are none other than that. You're in the perfect place for expansion. I can feel it.

All love and spacious peace to you,

Carina

P.S. A longtime favorite book of mine during the hardest times is Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart. And one of my new favorites (especially if you're an animal lover) is the deeply simple and instant-space-connecting book by Eckhart Tolle and Patrick McDonnell, Guardians of Being. Takes a person right out of the stories and into the comfort of this infinite space we inhabit. It's absolutely beautiful.

If other questions arise from this writing, please email
nowstayopen@gmail.com.