There is Space Behind it and Within You

Dear Carina,

I feel overwhelmed because I have too much on my plate. I'm basically a single parent dealing with the death of my parents and moving to a city where i don't have a support network. Moving back to Toronto is hard because I am struggling with everything from culture shock to relearning this city as a mother to dealing people who are trying to take advantage of me to just bad luck. Everything is a constant battle. Nothing just happens smoothly.

For example. I ordered Canadian cheques and a Canadian credit card to pay for my rent to my new apt. The bank lost my cheques and credit card and I had to pay to stay in a hotel room while they sorted things out. I had to walk to the bank in the cold with my daughter everyday to see if they had the cheques. Finally when they got the cheques, I paid my landlord's sister. One day, I had a raving lunatic at my door demanding I go to the bank with him this instant because my account lacked funds and a bunch of other really ridiculous requests. Long story short. Small minor error in the writing of the cheque. All he had to do was ask me to rewrite the cheque without all the drama. Everyday is like this, drama, drama and more drama. Just a lot of bad luck and lots of drama with everything. I feel like I'm attracting this bad energy that is attracting bad people and bad luck.

I know I need some time to get used to a new life in a new city. I just wish it wasn't so crazy. Is there a way to get rid of this bad luck?

*christina*

* * * * * * *

Dear Christina,

In your asking you are opening space and welcoming support. It's beautiful.

Any slice of quiet mind that you can get lets in some space.

Even if it doesn't seem relieving in the moment, anytime you can bring yourself right here: into your body, your bottom on the chair, your fingers on the keyboard or holding that sandwich, feeling one breath; you connect with the stillness that is our ultimate source of peace and comfort.

At times of my roughest suffering, when I can't seem to get out of an emotional state that's really working me over, I pray. Sometimes it takes me a while to get to that point. I'll tolerate the discomfort for a few days - sometimes longer, and then I remember. One day when I felt completely at a loss, I learned to lay myself out on the ground, asking for mercy and caring. Somewhere way inside, I knew there was protection in that supplication, infinite, and giant compared to the comforts of this world. It worked.

We pray, and it works because we know it will.

During moments of seeing no relief, there is one source to ask.

There is emptiness behind all life situations (and you know this). This emptiness is synonymous with the infinite love of our creator: that which always has you in her loving arms, into which you can relax.

Christina, beautiful, perfect sister, here's a poem I read today and thought of you:

In the world of Oneness,
there is nothing but yourself,
there is no room for counting.

But in the world of things
there is so much counting.

You may count a thousand apples in your hand --
If you want them all to be one,
make applesauce.

You may count a thousand grapes in your hand --
If you want the precious wine,
crush them all together.



The message behind the words
is the voice of the heart.
The source of all activity
is that utter stillness.

Now Shams-e Tabriz is in the royal seat
and all my rhymes
have lined up like willing slaves.

~ Rumi (translated by Jonathan Star)

Bump up that self care and take luxurious care of yourself. And PLEASE don't make yourself wrong for anything you're feeling. You are a perfect being of God.

Love,

Carina

P.S. I highly recommend the chapter on the Pain Body in Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth. Seems like you might recognize something here.

If other questions arise from this writing, please email
nowstayopen@gmail.com.